State of Affairs

23 days without an official address. Only 8 more until we begin Part 2 of The Big Move.

I have so much to say about the past 3+ weeks but here I am, staring at a blank page, no words forthcoming. My hands are either unwilling to write what I feel or, perhaps, just tired from working a series of late nights ever since last Sunday, when I left my wife and kids in NJ and trained back to my home state. (Natalia has since joined me here while the kids remain in the 609.)

It has been a weird few weeks. I feel weightless, relieved of my daily parental responsibilities. There is no one making me late to work in the morning. And there is nobody pressuring me to leave work either. The days wander by shapelessly. I am amazed at how quickly I forget that I am 35, married, have 2 kids, and am expecting one more by Halloween. This feels like a life that I once knew but was too young to enjoy.

Evening Skype calls between MA and NJ have been a point of consistency. But over time, it has become abundantly clear that these are no substitute for actually being there. The first few calls were relatively ordered affairs, with Andres and Celia telling me about their day and, naturally, about the many unfortunate injustices (someone got hit, someone fell, someone's toy was taken and not returned and so that someone got hit and then the other someone had to apologize) that had been visited upon them. But last night they didn't really seem like talking, and we spent about 10 minutes virtually chasing them around the living room before abandoning the conversation. Perhaps it is also telling that they fight to see who gets to hang up on us every night.

It feels like we are in parallel universes. The kids having a semblance of a summer vacation; Natalia and I up here, waiting, waiting, waiting. Bedouins thankful for the hospitality of our friends' beds.

Soon--8 days!--this will all be over and we will be busy unpacking boxes and settling into our new home. September 1 still feels far away, though. And only after we have signed the lease and moved into our new place will the bricks come off my shoulders.

My phone is filled with pictures of the kids from the past two weeks. At the beach, at the playground, around the house, in PJs, playing doctor. They are clearly having a good time and entertaining each other. And though I miss them, I don't think about them incessantly. They are there, I am here. In truth, part of me is relieved that someone else has to deal with all the tantums and petty fights. Does that make me a bad parent? Perhaps. But I am also reminded that they give someone else a hug before they go to bed every night, and that does sting a bit.

2 more days til they come back, and then 6 more days until we move in. Labor Day weekend. And then...and then kindergarten, daycare, school. The summer is over. Fall brings new beginnings.