But the prospect of letting this blog languish after 2+ years does not please me at all. I feel that I owe it to my reader(s) to keep doing what I have been doing this whole time: sharing stories, however mundane, that speak to the many trials and tribulations of raising kids and maintaining a family. So here I am again, back in front of the computer, on a night where I would rather be mindlessly watching NBA basketball.
Christmas just happened. Where to start.
Andres and Celia have entered their prime gift-getting years. Yes, gift-getting: they are both keenly aware of yearly events that have gifts associated with them (birthdays and Christmas being the big two) and can barely contain their excitement about getting gifts as these big days get closer. To them, the holidays only exist as a delivery mechanism for presents.
Birthdays are fun, but Christmas is the Big Kahuna. Natalia and I can usually keep demands for specific gifts to a minimum since we don't let the kids watch Nickelodeon or Disney...or, really, much of the vast swampland of children's cable TV that is polluted by ads for expensive Must have! toys that nobody needs. But journeys into any store with a toy department are trickier after Thanksgiving, as the kids make a bee-line for the shelves of yellow Caterpillar trucks and lavender Barbie-themed tea sets and remark on how beautiful the items are and how they have wanted them for such a long time. With a few rare exceptions, these items are forgotten 3 minutes after we leave the store.
This behavior has led me to believe that my kids want anything more than they want anything in particular.
I think this condition afflicts Andres more than Celia. For the past year he has been tallying the number, girth, and quality of gifts that he receives, especially in comparison to his younger (though not youngest sister). It seems that gift-getting is now a game to be won, though he would not admit this outright. Here's a sample conversation that happened a few months back:
Me: So did you have a good time at your sister's birthday party?
Andres: Well she got a whole bag of presents for her birthday and I didn't get a bag of presents at my birthday.
[The "bag of presents" refers to the fact that we put all of Celia's presents into a gigantic plastic bag when we left her party--something that we did not do for Andres' party in June. Apparently the idea of a whole "bag of presents" made Celia's haul seem more impressive than his own take.]
Me: Well we just put the presents into a bag--you guys got about the same amount. We only used the bag to carry the presents to the car.
Andres: I didn't get a bag.
Me: That's because we put your presents into the car one by one. We didn't need a bag for them. The bag really doesn't matter here, kiddo.
Andres: But she got a bag and I didn't get a bag.
Lesson learned: Next year, I'm putting all of his presents into a bag.
Celia doesn't seem to tally gift-getting wins and losses like her brother. She seems more interested in getting specific items, and doesn't worry about the total number of things she receives. In fact, during a visit to Target last week, Celia gladly gave up a few items that Natalia was going to buy for her because she really, really wanted a set of multi-colored ponytail holders instead.
So anyway--back to Christmas.
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| Sometimes they do let me take a nice picture. |
This year, there were LEGOs for Andres and dolls for Celia and dress-up clothes, books, puzzles, and games for them to share. I think Lucia got some gifts too. For the most part, they were thoughtful gift-getters: they would open and play with a few gifts at a time before resuming their unholy destruction of wrapping paper. By 11 am, they were both decked out in their new Batman and Supergirl costumes, running around the house to their littlest sister's amusement. And by 3 pm, things had settled down a bit: the first of the LEGO ships had been assembled, and Celia played quietly with her new miniature ponies and unicorns. Everyone seemed happy.
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| Andres wins Christmas with this toy. |
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| Batman and Supergirl have a family...who knew? |
I later found out that everyone wasn't happy.
Me: So, big boy, did you get a lot of good stuff for Christmas?
Andres: [Sighs] I didn't get what I wanted.
Me: Oh. Um, what did you want?
Andres: I really wanted the Ironman that I saw at CVS.
Aha! Yes, this is probably my fault. His complaint makes sense, even if it falls on the ungrateful side of the thankfulness monitor. (I cut him a little slack because he is 5.)
The Ironman toy was an $8, Made in China special that we saw at CVS a few weeks before Christmas. Andres liked it because it had some buttons as well as the capacity to make realistic Ironman sounds. But I suspect he also liked it because we chose to purchase one for a child in need as part of a church fundraiser. By doing the fundraiser, we (really, Natalia) were trying to teach the kids about generosity and helping others who are less fortunate. But charity is difficult for five year-olds to grasp, and I think my own son felt like he was the one living a life of hardship, having to leave CVS empty-handed.
The subject of the Ironman toy came up repeatedly in the days that followed. Could he add it to his list for Santa? Sure. Did I see all the cool features it had? No, not really. Did I think he should ask for it in black or red? No comment.
Having seen how much this toy was on his mind, I should have just plunked down the $8 and bought one. But I didn't. The day of our departure grew closer and I never made it back...there were too many things occupying my time and my mind, and to be honest, I just didn't feel like buying him one more toy that would be used for all of 20 minutes. Plus, I thought, he'd never notice.
Me: Oh yeah, the Ironman...I guess you didn't get that. But you got a lot of cool LEGOs and puzzles that you didn't have before.
Andres: But I don't have the Ironman either and I wanted the Ironman.
Me: Hmm. Well I hope you can make it work with all of these new presents instead.
Andres: Maybe.
I think time has healed this wound. We are now home and all of his new toys have been unpackaged and unloaded into the playroom upstairs; he seems to enjoy them just fine. I haven't caught him dreaming about presents not received in the days since we left NJ.
On this account (and likely some others), I'm probably too hard on Andres. He is, after all, just 5 and a half. Do I really expect that he will treat gift-getting with reverence and humility, gladly accepting whatever he gets? This would be uncharacteristic of his age and gender. I doubt I was much better at his age. (In fact, I still remember the disappointment when I found an inferior Go-Bot, rather than a superior Transformer, wrapped in Hanukkah paper one year.) And deep down, I know that his puerile feelings of disappointment should eventually mature into a stronger sense of gratitude. But this doesn't make the process any easier to watch--or to endure.
Gifts aside, the NJ trip was successful. We caught up with Cristina and Louis, Adam and Sue, and various friends in the area. I drank a lot of Wawa coffee. Nobody got too sick. And most importantly, the rides to and from Mt. Laurel were uneventful, with limited screaming from the backseat. We arrived home happy (if not tired) and laden with new things for the apartment.
The whole issue of gratitude will work itself out eventually. And maybe I'm focusing my attention in the wrong place. Andres is still especially tender towards Lucia, even after having her around for 2+ months at this point. In fact, he wrote her a special note yesterday:
"HAW DO YOU LUV ME BENG YOUR BIG BRUDR"
Translated:
"How do you love me being your big brother?"
He knows the answer. Lucia is especially thankful for him, and she smiles whenever he is around. And implicit in his message--and his actions--is overwhelming gratitude for his youngest sister. He's thankful for things that really matter, I guess, which is probably a lesson that I could learn. Celia too.
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